Things I Learned in the Shower

So our common understanding of the mind and what it is and its relationship to the brain and our consciousness is totally fucked. If you didn’t know that, you know it now. I came to this understanding last year, what I figured out kinda blew my mind. You may not understand what I’m talking about, and I’m not really gonna explain THAT, but you basically just need to know that WE do NOT understand WHAT the mind IS. And because of that our use of it is totally handicapped. Aka fucked. Particularly because of our consciousness. And I think I’m about to shed some light on that. Thanks, in part, to a 40 minute shower.

The mind is like a ball. The mind is like a steel ball spinning inside another steel ball. Spinning freely. At times. Now regardless of whether you are dumb or smart, the mind is awesome. It’s awesomeness really doesn’t have much to do with intelligence. It is mostly effected by awareness. Awareness allows us to use the mind like a tool. And the more awareness we have, the more dexterous we are with that tool. But never mind that, let’s get back to the mind being awesome. When the mind is most awesome is when it is most free. It can do amazing things. Many a world changing idea came from a very free mind. A ball spinning and spinning to its heart’s desire. But what is it spinning in?

The mind is spinning inside our consciousness. I’m not equating consciousness with awareness but they do relate. The mind is spinning inside our consciousness and our consciousness is more of a part of us than the mind is. The consciousness is more personal. You could almost think of it as…the consciousness is an extension of us and the mind is an extension of EVERYTHING in our awareness, and it all meets in our head. We think or act like it’s all trapped in there, mixed up, and it’s all 100% our own, but it’s not. It’s very layered, and when we talk about awareness, we’re essentially talking about how many of those layers you are conscious of and then can even control or influence. With your very own consciousness. 
 

Your consciousness has a lot of affect on “your” mind. So much pull. So much weight. Sometimes that’s a good thing. A lot of times it is not. The mind is a ball spinning around inside your consciousness. And when you let the ball spin freely, amazing things can happen. The problem is we rarely do that. 
 

If you let your mind wander, it is like a wanderer taking a walk down a wondering path. A nice, evening, evening stroll. The minute you become aware (self-conscious) of what your mind is “thinking,” it is like flipping on a spotlight on that thoughtful, walking pedestrian. What do you think is going to happen? This is where we’re fucked. Cuz it varies so much from person to person. Depending on all the factors that made you who you are.

For some of us, when that spotlight goes on, the wanderer stops wandering. Naturally. “Wtf is this big light?” When that happens, depending on so many things, the thought (wanderer) will either resume or be stopped all together for ANY NUMBER OF REASONS. And then even if the thought does continue, it may NOT continue as freely as it was before. If that spotlight is still brightly on it, then it may continue very cautiously/slowly. Again, “Wtf?” If the light dims, the wandering thought may continue on its merry way like nothing ever happened. THAT is VERY ideal.

Because, the thing is, when we let these wandering thoughts wander without interference, they can go and Take US to some interesting places. Some places such as newfound knowledge. Some places such as greater awareness of any number of things. Or people. Some places such as INSPIRATION. Some places such as a completely new idea. Or perspective. These are REALLY good places. Places we all should go to much more often on our own two feet. But we don’t. And the reason we don’t? Our consciousness. More specifically, our self-consciousness.

When the mind is spinning in your brain, spinning like a ball inside another ball, and it starts rolling around one particular track of thought, it starts off slowly. The longer it is allowed to go on uninhibited, the more speed it picks up: speed usually leads to awesomeness. Speed leads to the wanderer walking down the wondering path quicker, which is better because he might find something fantastic at the end of the road. A veritable pot of gold. But that doesn’t usually happen because the spotlight goes on. But in the “the mind is a ball inside a ball” analogy, it’s more like the consciousness (outer ball) acts like a magnet whenever you become self-conscious, stopping or interrupting that rolling thought in its circular tracks. (Yes I’m using two analogies that parallel on the same thing, in order to highlight different aspects of it visually. Hopefully you can see that. The mind itself is like a ball inside a ball. The thought itself is like a wanderer that the ball is…conjuring I guess.)

Now, when that outer ball (the consciousness) becomes aware of what is going on inside of it, it USUALLY affects the flow of the mind in some way. Sometimes a lot, sometimes a little, it really depends on the person AND what that thought is. It’s just like the characters on REAL WORLD. Yes we’re supposed to believe that this is how those people would behave “naturally” if there weren’t cameras on them. But most likely they are being affected consciously or subconsciously, for better or worse by the cameras' presence, by that new layer of consciousness. How much depends entirely on that person AND how much that new presence is Felt by them.
 

It’s the same exact thing with that rolling ball when your fears, doubts, insecurities, skepticisms, issues, biases, inhibitions, and built in defense system come On-Line. “Self-consciousness___ARMED.” Odds are one of those things is going to impede the flow of thought in some way. One minute the ball is spinning an interesting hypothetical tale inside what you call your mind, the next minute you’re like “wait, why am I thinking that?” And boom, the thought gets derailed. It happens a hundred times a day to each of us, and maybe you didn’t know it before, but know now that it’s a small tragedy. We need to let our thoughts go. WHEN THEYRE POSITIVE. We need to Let them go on, even if they seem silly, let them go. Let them go on if they’re positive in anyway. Or at least if they’re not hurting anybody! This is a huge part of creativity.

It is also a huge part of self-awareness. Among a dozen other things. Stop interrupting your own thoughts! Free your mind! But not in any fuckin philosophical way! Just let it be free to do it’s own fucking thing and wander around a little bit! Geeez!

We have lost this as a skill! We have lost this as a valuable commodity for ALL of us. The ability to let our mind do its own thing just for a few minutes at a time. Really!! It doesn’t need to be much longer than that. You can cover a lot of ground in thought in a few minutes. I think most trains of thought don’t survive longer than a minute and half before they get blasted off the tracks. Sadly, on average, I think the negative ones live longer, are allowed to spin around and around, over and over and over again, unchecked and get repeated a lot more. The more true this is for you, the more fucked you are. No doubt.

The end.

That’s the point of all this. I just wanted to tell you what I thought but also put that visual in your head. Because, in case you don’t know, when you are able to visualize something abstract, it gives you the power to manipulate it more easily. Or be more aware of it. And possibly change it.

Be aware of what’s going on in your heads friends. One of my favorite words, METACOGNITION: thinking about thinking. I know it can be confusing at first, I know it can seem like stop and go driving, every time you stop and think about what you were just thinking and then think about whether or not you are ABLE to let that ball roll on its merry little way, but the stop and go driving is already happening! It’s already happening, all the time, but if you can become aware of it, eventually you’ll be able to control it quite easily and once you’ve controlled it for long enough…you won’t have to control it any more. You can let go. It’ll become second nature. Which was probably first nature, but your first nature got fucked up by…abusive parents, poor self-image, emotional neglect, whatever! So now you know, and that’s how you go in and retrain your mind. Roll on.

Rolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll onnn.

Right now I am thinking that huge differences in our individual personalities may be directly related to how long we let our thoughts drift on their own, on average. In other words, I may be so different/creative compared to some people simply because I let my thoughts wander farther out away from me, i.e. more often and for longer periods of time. Or more “effectively.” Hmmm! That all just came to me. I’m gonna have to think about that one myself. Wouldn’t that be interesting though? Cuz that could almost be tested. If you taught people this SKILL, you could observe the difference it made on their behavior and lives. What if what we call daydreaming is the cure for all creative blockage?

Hmph.

Regardless, give your self permission to “daydream,” to wonder, to imagine, to say “what if?” to think aimlessly for extended periods of time, to remember, and I guarantee you’ll enjoy where it takes you much more often than not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All right. Now Here’s a bonus DROP of a deep thought. I don’t really need to throw this in, but….it fits, and I’m curious to hear what people might think, and I’m thrilled to have accidentally written up something that can serve as the foundation for this one THOUGHT. This I already knew. This I realized late last year. It’s something I’ve never heard or read anywhere. I was just thinking and thinking and thinking and I figured this out/stumbled upon it and it pretty much blew me away. And I’ve yet to commit it to writing. I believe what I am about to say to be true, not because of any kind of fanciful theory combined with faith, but because reason and deduction from personal experiences dictates it to be true. If I were writing a piece on this alone, I would probably explain it a little differently, put it in a slightly different context/analogy, but it connects enough to everything above that I think I can drop it on ya and you’ll understand what I mean. Hopefully.

What I have been describing for a couple pages now: that ball spinning around freely inside your head; letting the mind do what it does, which is not very mental, because it is not thinking, it is more like flowing. Letting your "thoughts" flow. This ability is huge. And could easily change your life over night. I’m sure it does everyday somewhere in the world. This ability is an art. But it is not just an art, as far as

I can tell, it is THE Art.

It is the only art. The original art.

The art through which everything we call art comes to be. Our consciousness, our unique personality is the filter/the lens/the “mind” through which THE Art comes into our world.

Basically there is only one art and everything we call art is just us channeling The Art into reality. EVERY OTHER ART is just an offshoot, shooting out of our patchwork life. And we are the instruments, life is the canvas. We have Sooooo many different kinds and variations of art because each of us is a completely unique composition of experiences. When we pull The Art through that composition of experiences, it comes out different looking every time. Just as one clown might pull a bouquet of daisies from his sleeve and another will pull out a dead bird. But what we are all doing, at the very beginning, when we first had the idea to put something up our sleeves, is the same. We are tapping into, or allowing the same thing to take place up in our heads, whatever you want to call it. It only becomes different because we are different. And the more different we are, the more original the art is when it is manifested into our silly, self-important world.

 

The Feeling

You are dancing around an idea, like a whirlpool dances around a point of center, and you're attempting to use language or art to bring you closer to that point. But as you circle around it (trying hard not to take your eyes off the middle, trying hard to not let so many things distract your being as you rock from side to side), you must realize that you have MORE than language or art at your disposal, that there is one more utility at hand, under foot, beneath wing or within sail: The Feeling. The Feeling is that which will help guide you through the HUGE ocean of language which is full of so much flotsam and jetsam that nobody needs right now. The Feeling is that which will help you see the difference between all the all the words and the KEYWORDS. It turns out the word "keyword" is not a joke, not a coincidence. There are key words in our relationship with the universe. They really are the keys to a new, much brighter understanding. If you can pick enough of them out of the water like perfect shells and bear witness to their CONNECTION, doors will open, seas will part and pearls of excellence will shine into and out of you.

The Struggle and the Path -- part 1

You were on a path once. You could feel it.

It felt like a constant state of growth—that seemed to parallel what your body was doing, but this growth was intangible. It was also fun and incredible.

You were progressing, not quickly, but steadily. Clicking once or twice a year, clicking something in your head together with something in your mind or heart, clicking like your soul was passing markers on the path itself and this was how it was to let you know you were still on the track.

Then something happened. The clicking seemed to stop. No more amazing coincidences, no more dizzying deja vu, no more deeply surprising yourself in a positive way, no more feeling like a kid again on Christmas morning. Or at least not hardly any more.

Something happened to distract you long enough that you forgot about the path. Not entirely, but you were distracted long enough that the next time you remembered it, you had forgotten what it felt like. You had forgotten how sense seemed to radiate off of it into the most random actions of your every day.

And with that distance from the path, and with that loss of feeling, you lost other things as well. You lost that hunger, that vital craving that seemed to feed on vitality and give it right back instantly. You lost some of your passion and the brightness of your smile. You lost that inherent desire (inherent so long as you can feel the path) for that next step, the next click, amazing movie, great love, inspiring book, or deep meaningful conversation, all of which once pooled together in a crystal clear pond of sense that once reflected you, perfectly.

Or so it seemed. Until something happened. Until something happened to distract you and make you look away from that Pool of Sense, so that by the time you looked back, so much doubt and distance and ugliness had fallen into the simple beautiful thing you once cherished as your life. So much senselessness had slipped in that you were not mindfully cleaning out and it muddied the waters, made them choppy instead of smooth. So much so that when you leaned over and looked into it (like you always used to), you couldn’t even see yourself anymore. You couldn’t even feel yourself anymore. But the last time you truly felt like that carefree, powerful self was so long ago that…you have no point of relativity. You have no point of reference, no point of comparison.

Too much distance makes the heart grow very forgetful.

So while what you see and what you don’t see in that pool now should horrify you, it does not. It seems instead to fit the rest of the scenery you were looking at just minutes before. Instead it seems to be expected. And it dimly feels as though you have crossed the point of no return.

Once this was not true. Once you…expected more. For yourself, and from yourself. From your own reflection even. Believed in more, Desired more, knew constantly what MORE felt like, tasted liked and smelled like. You felt it between your legs. You saw it in every chance encounter that led to something new. And you tasted it with every bite of his or her loving skin. This was true. This was real. But it is only as real as the path is present in your mind. In your existence. In your perception of your life. As soon as you stop seeing…you inevitably stop believing. And it seems as though you stopped seeing oh so long ago.

Does this explain anything to you about how you are now? Can you use these words as so many shovels to dig and dig and dig the dirt out of your pool, so that you might glimpse and remember what you were like—and therefore what LIFE was like—before? Before, when you were clearly you.

Now your life is all about “Work That…” and “Study this…” (don’t forget the wife and kids) and the constant STRUGGLE to keep it all afloat. Now you’re no longer worried about the path— “Who has time for THAT? Such Nonsense really! …what I have is good enough.”—now you have diligently dedicated and devoted all the time and energy you can to keeping your laborious life from capsizing. From drowning. From breaking amongst the craggy waves. And you believe in that cause, as you should. It is a good cause. Sanity and success are commendable qualities in any one person, particularly according to the society you live in. But the terrible irony is that none of that has to be a struggle.

The word struggle need never come upon your lips or mind. None of it has to be a bracing of yourself against the might of the world. It could be smooth sailing. It could be clear skies. It could be calm seas. Or it could even be a dance. From here on out. If you would JUST PUT YOUR MIND BACK ON THE PATH. If you would just dig all the gravel and rock, all the mud and filth out of your pool where everything used to make sense and life felt more like swimming than fighting an entire ocean. If you would just do that….everything, truly everything would become easier, more satisfying and even less mysterious and disheartening.

IF WHAT YOU HAVE IS GOOD ENOUGH THEN YOU SHOULD NOT BE STRUGGLING SO MUCH STILL! It makes the heart of the world hurt when you say that your vision of the world is good enough and yet you do not see joys and wonders 100 times a day. It hurts the world's heart when you see poetry in NOTHING unlike Rumi, Khayyam, Longfellow or Gibran who saw poetry in everything.

No matter how much darkness is still out there, there is endless amounts of light. Light that will make you feel better. And when you focus your being all on that, you will find that not only have your struggles lessened, but you seem to be bringing more joy into the world….and the darkness around you begins to slowly, slowly dissipate.

This is the irony of the world. This is the irony of your whole life. The fact that the path SEEMS like a luxury for those who don’t have the “responsibilities and troubles” you have, but in fact it is the fortune. It is the greatest source of everything you say you need: time, energy, passion, joy, love, laughter, communion. It is full of all those things and more.

You remember don’t you? You remember when you used to laugh like that? Like that was the funniest thing you’ve ever heard or saw, and yet….you laughed like that again just two days later. How could you laugh so much so often? How did your neck not get tired of throwing your head back and letting out that awe-full sound?

Those days might be behind you, but what made those days POSSIBLE is NOT LOST. Not even close. It has all just been forgotten. It has been buried in the muck that you call your day to day reality. And maybe everything in your life is fine. Maybe everything is A-okay. And you smile enough, and you’re happy enough and you don’t really have any complaints. How often do you look back though?

How often do you see the pictures of yourself from then or recall a memory of absurd pleasure? Can you see a difference? Can you feel now, at any time, exactly what you felt then? Or is something different?

OH! You think you just grew up, right? You think you just got older and more mature and wiser to boot. Well, good for you. I wonder why it is then that some of the wisest and oldest men and women in human history were so full of laughter and joy. So full of….spirit and poetry. So much so that their spirit seemed to spread out and their life lived on despite all the hardships they might have faced, even despite death. I guess they just didn’t know what life was like back then. How hard it could all be compared to yours now.

The point is this. Unless you are just as happy and joyful as you were in high school, as you were in college, as you were before marriage, as you were BEFORE that “something happened,” then you CAN get that back. ALL OF IT. You can return to that now. You can return to that WITHOUT GOING BACK. You can find whatever it was that made you that way then, AND pull it forward to where you are today. Recreate it. This is possible. There is no need for doubt or belief. It is simply possible.

All you have to do is start to remember. Start putting the pieces of what you were like back then when you were at that pinnacle of yourself back in place, back on a visible shelf of your mind. Start reading through old love letters, start pulling the dusty boxes out of your closet. All the things you’ve been burying for years, so that you may find it all again someday and treasure it like treasure. I assure you, many pieces that should be present in your mind are not, but they are not afar.

Start reconfiguring and realigning with how you used to think and how you used to speak and how you used to interact with people you know and strangers alike. Back when you were THAT happy and “free.” Start there, and don’t stop until you have all those pieces back in your head.

What will you see?

Hopefully you will see a CLEAR, complete image of how you were before. How much that will help depends on how clear and how complete the image is. If it is startlingly clear, then do not be surprised if you are startled. Startled in reaction. Startled into ACTION. Startled into Creation of How you used to be….on the inside. It may seem as though many of those qualities were dependent on…certain friends, a certain love interest, where you lived, your lack of bills or how naïve you were, but for the most part, they are not. For the most-part—the part you need and wish to be reconnected with most—those attributes of your former self were just dependent on how you felt! And how you feel at any time can be dramatically affected by…whether or not you feel the path. Which can be dramatically affected by how well you keep your Pool of Sense clear and free of debris.

You should know that there are instruments at your disposal to help you clean your pool. Many of them. Most certainly many of you have picked up many of them and thrown them away for no good reason, just as the saying implies. But again, just like that joy and laughter you used to feel, you can get them all back whenever you desire. They are practically at hand now.

Imagine trying to solve a Rubik’s cube by looking from only one angle. Both you and it are locked in place, only the pieces can be shifted, somewhat blindly.

This is what some of you are trying to do with your whole lives, not to mention with the ideas you started building yourself upon, after “something happened.”

Needless to say, things have gotten twisted. The puzzle, somewhat complex already, has become seemingly impossible, and the more you play with it the further you FEEL from the solution, whether you are or not. This breeds hopelessness. This is not good. It is not good for you, it is equally not good for the world because you are not alone. You are one of many. You are one of millions all standing there, immovable, with a puzzle you are trying to solve with such limited information (i.e. perception). This is why it is easier for you to look over and help other people solve their problems (two angles are better than one!) than it is for you to hover, fixed in place, and solve your own.

It does not have to be this way. That vibrant enthusiasm you used to have for the slightest things—whether it be other people’s birthday parties or turning that song on the radio up so loud!—can be yours again. And that time, that brief time, when all your thoughts, feelings, words and actions all seemed to line up and…work as one. Play as one. Pray as one. See as one. Dream and create as one. That time can be now and here all over as well. All over, here and now, once again for you. All you have to do is mind the path.

May you feel the truth of these words, may they ring for you as they have for others for whom THIS bell has tolled.