I have no choice but to give what I receive. To not do so would be to defy the natural flow of life. And to defy life would mean death. I'd rather choose to be alive. And so I choose to bleed.
March 18, 2011
My Brother
The first night in America, the first night home, was way more exciting than I thought possible. This is all because of my brother. My brother, who is that? Who is he? I wasn't sure myself. I haven't seen the man since...2001. And that's just a best guess. I haven't seen the man since the last time he went to prison. We kinda had a falling out about that time. Since he's been out, we've exchanged a few words, but not much. He was out the last time I came home two years ago but he was in Texas. I didn't even know that til I got here. So this time I didn't know what to expect. Didn't know what to expect at all. But I knew, in my heart, that I was ready to rejoin with this man, to reconnect and rebuild, to show some love. I love him, he's my brother, he may be a big lug sometimes, but you can't hold that against him forever.
When I showed up, he was home. I didn't know he was home til he came walkin through the room and waved a "What up" to me like it was no big thing. Dumb ass. Like I'm just gonna let him walk by me. I don't care what beef he thinks he has or what chips he has stacked up on his shoulders these days, he's given me a hug! I went over and did our reunion justice, I think he was uncomfortable, I don't know why but...I can imagine. I just knew I wasn't gonna let that stop me from tryin to get back in his life. I played it cool though, let him walk off, doin what he was doin and went back to sittin with my folks. Later on though, that night, I pushed it and went to his room and started talkin to him about random shit. He didn't seem too cold so I kept it goin and pretty soon he asked if I wanted to go out and get a drink. How could I say no?
On the way there we connected, we bridged a gap, thanks to somethin he found out we have in common. From that point on, his guard started to falter and he started to open up and relax and be....my brother. He took me to this bar/club he used to bounce at, introduced me to some people, walked around, checked out the scene. It was bouncin, especially for a wednesday night. Within ten minutes of bein there some random dude walks up to my brother and says "You are HUGE," my brother smiles, says thanks. I ask him if it ever gets old? He smiles again, "Naaaa" Of course not I say, why would it. He is enormous. He is still the biggest man I've ever known. As we walk around the club, I am completely hidden behind him. His 6'7" frame is that of a juggernaut. And as I walk in his wake, I am privy to the candid reactions of those we pass, and react they do. Some people can't help it, guys and girls alike: they stare, they say stupid things, laughing at how small they just felt lookin up at him. There isn't a man in the place who doesn't feel a little small lookin at Will, my fuckin house of a brother.
The night went on and on. It was a trip. I partied with my brother for the first time in ten years or so. God it took me back. Felt good too. He talked a lot, which was good, cuz the things he told me were things I needed to hear. It seems like he's grown up, a lot, in the past couple years. He spoke of learning lessons and told me stories of his recent travels around America. The odds have always been stacked against him, for one reason or another, but...for once, it seems like he has a fighting chance.
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