Yesterday, I wrote a message to a COMPLETE stranger, answering a question that she wrote on a friend's "Note." It was a sincere, heartfelt question and....he wasn't up to answering but I felt like I had something to say to her that might help, so I wrote her a private message.
CRAZY INNIT?? :)
I've never done that before. I totally stuck my neck out! Just like that!
No doubt, I am actively testing the limits of what I can do with this newfound purpose and this drive to create and communicate what I see. I’m waiting to run into a wall. I’m waiting.
The background is a facebook “note” that a buddy of mine posted about “hope” and “not giving up” and such, his final statement read, "I strongly believe in not giving up without trying hard. I hope you do too." That pretty much sums it up.
The woman’s response to this note, which I also included in my response to her, said this:
'trying hard'... what is the definition, because sometimes i believe i've tried so hard but maybe what i don't know is that my marker for hard is what has fallen short. But by then i've succumbed to...defeat
See what I mean? She REALLY Meant what she said. For one minute she kind of....bared her heart.
And if it really was just for one minute then....odds are she’s not going to appreciate me taking that one minute she let her guard down and writing a....pep talk(?) about it or something (I don’t know what to call it). I don’t know how she is going to react or has reacted. I haven’t heard anything from her yet, but I’m not nervous or worried. I figure odds ARE…I probably won’t hear anything. But I also don’t think that automatically means my words didn’t speak to her. Who knows how she is going to respond to it all.
(OH, from her picture I can tell you she's an older, most likely Indian woman, maybe....between 30 and 40. That's all I know, other than what is said here. Feel free to tell me I'm crazy, I'll understand ;-P)
WHAT I WROTE HER…
All right, I thought about asking you AND AJ for permission to address your question right then and there but....then I realized....it's a free world, facebook is supposed to be an "open community" of sorts so....why not just click and send you your very own message!?
I realize by doing so I'm doing something out of the ordinary. And I realize by doing something out of the ordinary, the odds are increased that it will not work out to my favor, that somehow I or what I say will not be Well-received, or that someone may not "Approve" of my "Bold" actions. BUT.....I think I have a...perspective worth offering you on the matter that you raised. And being as how I am a writer and a bit of a...public servant (and I have the time), I would rather not choose fear. I would rather choose openness and sharing. I hope you don't mind. Even if you don't like what I have to say, I hope you don't mind. I am, after all, just trying.
Let's go ahead and establish the fact that I don't know AJ very well and I obviously don't know you at all! Nor do I know what your connection to AJ even is, not that it matters. But, with that in mind, I hope you can see that this offers me a high degree of objectivity. And because of that objectivity, you should be able to trust me to some extent, since I am not selling you anything, nor would I have any reason or motive to....mislead you. I am just trying to share what I see in the words that you wrote. Nothing more, nothing less.
Let's see if it works...
Let's review what you said...
~~'trying hard'... what is the definition, because sometimes i believe i've tried so hard but maybe what i don't know is that my marker for hard is what has fallen short. But by then i've succumbed to...defeat.~~
You chose two of his words that you responded to, two words that are very much a part of your vocabulary and your PERSONAL experience of life: Trying hard.
It happens, I know. There are times when we try our 'asses' off and still...not much happens in the way that we want. Lemme show you what I think AJ was trying to say but in slightly more effective words. Or rather just....one word: TRY.
Let's never mind the "hard," that really isn't....important. Not super important, at least not in the big scheme of things. In the big scheme of things all that really matters is that you DO TRY. That is ALL You really have to do! Now.....why do you have to do that? Why? For whom or for what?
You have to try for yourself! You have to try so that you can look at yourself in the mirror the next day and whether there are tears in your eyes or a smile on your face, you can look at yourself and KNOW that you tried. No matter how it turned out! Because if you DO NOT try, if you do not do what is IN YOUR HEART TO DO, then....that is the worst kind of defeat. That my dear is SELF-Defeat. And there is nothing crueler to do to yourself than Defeat what is trying to be expressed from your heart. There IS NOTHING worse.
But as long as you are in touch with your heart enough, enough that you know what it is truly desiring then....like my quote that I put after AJ's says....all you can really do is try. Because you cannot force the universe to give you anything, you cannot bend anybody else's will. You would have ten times more luck if instead of trying REALLY REALLY REALLY HARD, if you just took a step back, and invited whatever you desire to come in. Generally speaking that is.
Trying is all you can do. And if you try your BEST, well then, EVEN BETTER! Again, not for anybody else, not for the sake or appearance of those around you! Who knows maybe trying your Best means embarrassing yourself in front of those you love and care about! It has meant that for me, but I still did it, because I needed to be able to live with myself, I needed to have as much peace in my heart as possible! I needed to not HAVE Doubts and REGRET! Those are KILLERS, those are the assassins of the heart! And therefore of your will to fully live. And the only way I can or could do that is by giving it a shot. What do you have to lose? Good question. How bout, what do you have to lose if you DONT give it a shot? Better question. Especially if the context is a MATTER of the Heart. Then the latter question will have a much clearer answer if you have any kind of relationship with the SELF that is inside of you. Because there really is a lot of your self to lose, isn't there?
Now about the "Hard" part of that equation. Do not put much stock in it. Cuz....exactly, like you said, who's definition of that should you go by? Well, the answer, after reading above, is kind of obvious isn't it? You should go by your own definition. But I still don't like that word. Don't try hard, I wouldn't suggest you do anything HARD because in my life I have found that when I'm trying hard to do something and it still isn't happening, upon reflection I realize I wasn't doing it the smartest way possible! Hence that expression, work smarter, not harder. Well, I would like to elevate that saying for the purpose of our discussion: Try smarter, not harder. But again, I would just rather say: Try your BEST. You and your heart and only those two things in the world KNOW what your best is! And if you feel you've given it, If you feel you've done ALL YOU COULD POSSIBLY DO and it still isn't working, if you reach that point where the world suddenly seems flat and you feel like you are about to fall off the edge, well then......the answer is simple right? Save yourself. Back away from the edge. Before you do get broken.
There is no need to take it past the point of the best you can do! That doesn't make sense does it? And let's just say it....that kind of martyrdom serves VERY VERY Few, if any. You are obviously TRYING to do what is HUMANLY impossible. To do BETTER than the Best you've ever DONE?? My! Such high standards. Impossibly high I say. Dangerously high I say. That's like trying to fly too close to the sun, isn't it? Why are you surprised when you have been burnt? So do away with that kind of thinking, it will not help you, it will not cause you to prosper or bring you peace. Try your best and leave it at that, and do so CONSISTENTLY, which can be summed up by the saying: Be true to yourself. As long as you do that, the dogs known as Regret and Doubt will not hound you the rest of your days, and you will not waste years of your life TRYING HARD to put yourself back together again because pushed yourself too far.
I hope this makes sense and....speaks well to you.
Thank you for listening.
My name is KJ
Have a good day!